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[06 Aug 2006|02:16am] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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music |
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tv |
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I love her soo much.
And even though the last few months have been shit.
I am still in love with her.
As a best friend.
And as a person.
I wish things were going better for her.
I love my Misti.
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| This made me feel better |
[28 Jul 2006|10:30pm] |
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mood |
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 pissed off |
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music |
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Got Booted by FFTL |
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Ride The Wings of Pestilence by From First To Last
"Hiding behind the Shadows
I'll be waiting in the dark
To drive this blade straight through your heart
I'll drag your body to the car
As blood races down my arm
I think everyone will wonder where you are (tonight)
I'll hide you in my walls
Your body will never be found
i'll wear your skin As a suit pretend to be you
Your friends will like you more then they used to.
Dear diary my teen angst bullshit has a body count! (count!)
I believe its six going on to seven now!!! (seven now!!!)
I've been dreaming about you
In a pool of your own blood,
With your eyes gouged out
By the work of my thumbs,
The scent of your insides
From under the floor boards,
The perfect perfume
For settling the score
I'll hide you in my walls
Your body will never be found
I'll wear your skin as a suit, pretend to be you
your friends will like you more than they used to
pretend to be you, your friends will like you more than they used to
Ride the wings of...
Ride the wings of...
Ride the wings of...
Ride the wings of pestilence!!!
Ride the wings of pestilence!!!
Ride the wings of pestilence!!!
Ride the wings of pestilence!!!
Ride the wings of pestilence!!!
Ride the wings of pestilence!!!
Ride the wings of pestilence!!!
Ride the wings of pestilence!!!"
soo much better.
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| She's got breakneck curves |
[25 Jul 2006|12:45pm] |
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mood |
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 drained |
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music |
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Will & Grace |
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I am exhausted but I got up to say goodbye to Misti and when I did so Dmitri who is sleeping on the floor is blocking the door so I can't get in.
I wanna nap! *bitch bitch bitch*
last night I made one of the hugest mistakes I;ve made in awhile. I was tipsy and talking to a friend of mine named Charley; whom I used to have a huge thing for. But it never really developed into anything. We were talking about a friend of ours and how terrible that friend was when I told him that him and I should hang out soon. Somehow (yes this is my fault) I kissed him; and the kiss kinda just went on for awhile. And I didn't think much of it when it ended; until after I said goodbye and was walking away did I realise that I cheated on my boyfriend.
My perfect boyfriend at that. Who is overly understanding and one of the sweetest guys I have ever met. So I had to tell him what happened. And while it could have broke us up; I guess it made us a stronger couple because he could trust me to me honest. And he knew it meant nothing. It was a scary moment but it turned out well.
But now I am just tired and want to go back to bed; and I have a few people from the church (of which I don't attend) coming over to say hi. But it'll be nice to say hi to them. Seeing as I haven't seen them in soo long. And the last time they saw me I looked kinda different and now my hair is shorn off. So I wonder how that is gonna go.
Oh and I am dying my hair brown with blonde highlights. It should be interesting. To complete the night Misti and I are going to a Judy Garland movie in Palo Alto. Hehe I love my Misti.
Well later huns I shall vent to you later.
<3
Josh
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| Hairless babies butter up well |
[24 Jul 2006|01:00pm] |
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mood |
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hot |
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music |
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tv |
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It is hot hot hot.
And I am loving that I cut literally all my hair off at the same time that I miss it terribly. I liked having very different hair; and now it's rather short.
But people tell me it looks ok so I am not too stressed.
I am going to dye it brown and blonde as to give me more of a natural look. W00t. -.-
I had a awful dream and like a pussy woke up bawling. It's much to sensitive to discuss in detail; I just knew it was a dream from the moment that I woke up.
Oh and I drink too much. I have realised this awhile ago but now it is thrown like a shotput in my face; knocking my teeth and immaturity right out.
*sigh* I will post a little later; my head hurts and I need to figure my shit out.
Josh
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| Wow I need to wake my bitch ass up |
[23 Jul 2006|04:12pm] |
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mood |
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 chipper |
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Things have been kinda wild lately.
Elektra and Dmitri are living with Misti and I. In addition, we hopefully are going to be living in San Franciso soon.
Wild.
Misti and I were kinda in a tough spot for awhile but we're happy again.
Oh and I have a boyfriend; his name is Aiden. He's as cute as a flute. But he moved away; and sadly the day we started to go out. His grandfather died and his family left for PA to help his grandmother out. Which I of all people understand. It just sucks.
I miss my Misti! That kid is always working her ass off at Tower. Which is a cool job but it's not cool that I don't have a job because I am painfully reminded daily of how little I get to see her during the day 'cuz she's got work to do. Once I get a job and our place in the city all will be well. Because Aiden should be coming to live with us when we move out there. And I will have my time filled with much to do.
Well that's all for now. I am just very much looking at the bigger picture with my life right now and not really bothering about the small little bullshit details of which snap at my feet like a rude terrier. I've just been soo caught up in drama; I'm ready to just get my stuff done so I can move out and get on with my life.
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| new shit never slipped. |
[10 Mar 2006|06:50pm] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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music |
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Six Nightmares at the Pinball Masquerade |
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I wrote some stuff. I havcen't posted in here for awhile so I thought I would.
( Scalped Skull Affair )
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[11 Jan 2006|03:35pm] |
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mood |
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 crazy |
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music |
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vaccum machine |
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boys are hot.
Onto other subjects, I have a haircut.
Be my friend?
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| by why do we listen? To the trees singing about us at their feet? |
[05 Dec 2005|03:43pm] |
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mood |
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grateful |
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music |
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The Last Sunrise by Aiden |
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I am listening to The Shame and it makes me soo nostalgic. Life is soo weird because everything feels different at different parts of your life. Like last year felt different than it does now. I dunno which I like better; now or then.
I think now for how I am outwardly. Before I kinda felt gross and awkward. I think I am pretty grounded in how I dress and feel about things. Today was a nice day; nothing special happened at all. But that's ok. Oh! I did throw away the cap to the Monster that I bought which sucks; because the only reason I am even drinking those huge ass Monsters is because I want the caps to them.
( When my friends play with my camera phone. )
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| I am back |
[01 Jun 2005|12:24am] |
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mood |
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happy |
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music |
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Wofl Party by The Blood Brothers |
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ok so I know that I haven't been updating much, but my life is soo weird right now, I have no idea where to begin.
I have soo much more self esteem now, I used to be very uncomfortable with how I looked. I have found style that both fits me and I feel makes me look attractive. This means alot to me, because I have been feeling pretty low the last couple of years with how I look.
Then I felt like I was loosing a way of showing my creativity. And now I sing and scream. It is a bit hard but it is a challange I have fallen in love with. My band "Scream For Him" (it has nothing to do with the band "HIM" which I have only actually listened to once) My inspiration to start singing again, came from the band "The Used". Unfortuantly their new album broke my heart and alot of trust in their singing. Their first album was seriously a piece of art, and their newest album sounds like a pop emo band. Which is what they are not. Now I have nothing against pop emo (huge TSL fan!) but this new style is not for the Used. Though I understand because he had a voice problem that blocked him from screaming and singing. I still see it as no excuse for the new album. Ok sorry a ramble but I have a whole "Die For The Music" motto.
Blood Brothers also made me strive to scream and be open to new forms of music. They are soo great, it's amazing.
I was also at a Reclaim The Streets, it opened my eyes to the anarchist view of politics, I am not anarchist. But it made me think alot about goverment, and how much a group of people can change the goverment. How little impact is has on the gov't.
well...yes....
I experiemented with heterosexuality, and it put even more into focus how homosexual I actually am. In the long term I see my self with a man. Not a woman. I am in love with men. Plain and simple as that. I think women are beautiful, but not nearly as beautiful in the same way men are to me. I will marry a man. No kids though, lol I can't stand children anymore.
so yeah that is all I can think of right now, I will talk more little later. Everyone who reads this please comment. I miss you all!
-Josh
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[12 Dec 2004|12:20am] |
I had a pretty amazing day. I started out my day sitting at home, watching "America's Top Model." Then I went downtown, and hung out with Grant, Kristina, Makaila, Jello, and a bunch of other people. Then Peter came downtown. And I got to hang with him. God I love that boy. He's sooo great. And the fucker knows it. Then the rest of night was spent with Dimitrius and alot of other people. So now I am at Stasha's[Boo Boo!] house, and I went online. Only to be greeted by someone I thought was a friend, talk to me and be self absorbed as usual, and then called my ugly. Which is needless to say about his own looks. But we all have our opnions. So I respect his. I rather know what kind of a friend he is now than later. Just one less fake person to deal with.
Tomarrow, I get to hang out with Boo Boo, Jello and Dimitrius. It's gonna be great!
Talk to you all later.
<3
Love is only a word. -Josh to Tom S.
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| Look at my eyes, I'm jaded now. Whatever that means.... |
[15 Nov 2004|09:08pm] |
Today began with a bang! The bang of a huge headache and a hacking cough...
Yes I was sick today and it made me a little sad, because I wanted to see my friends, but not school.
Why did they have to make school mandatory....Oh well, at least you meet people through school.
I just really want to go to be right now, so that is what I am gonna do, I just wanted to post.
Sleep well all!
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| yes well.... |
[27 Aug 2004|01:31pm] |
Ok well I am just in my Web Design class, just hanging out. My table buddy just left....*tear* Oh wells. yes I can surf the internet at times when I am in this class. How great is that? Of course I am not too sure if I am allowed to use the internet right now in here. Oh well, I will find out soon.
So yes school isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I am still in orchestra and I need to get out of there, but other than that I am ok with being here. Class is about to end so I will update later.
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[07 Aug 2004|02:08am] |
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mood |
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creative |
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music |
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Head over Heels by Alanis |
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When I put my hand to my side I find it in yours,
And at time when i fall back i find you already behind me.
When I think I have lost all that felt good,
You suprise me with another look.
I find it harder to breathe without you there,
I need to be with someone who understands me.
i used to want everything to be safe,
But i didn't know you everything but.
i didn't need anyone I thought,
Independance and dissonace rang in my ears louder than the voices.
Mirrors showed the opposite to me than what they truely beheld,
with your lips on my neck i suddenly saw who I was looking at.
It was the good life I was living without knowing it,
i thought pain taking the shape of a small blade were the only emotions I needed.
Red ribbons danced in my vision until you came,
Hearts and love made no sense to my small sighted mind.
It was a stolen unwelcomed kiss that made me feel passion,
Hands on my waist and eyes on me the whole time.
Understanding my real feelings that I hid behind my need to survive,
When the whole time and since you kept me from drowning in my sorrows.
Thank you boy.
The one i first loved and first kissed.
First by Joshua Davis
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[10 May 2004|10:20pm] |
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mood |
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complacent |
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music |
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Here With Me by Michelle Branch |
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Secretive Motions
Secretive Motions they creep in,
Shushing breathes they withhold.
Feelings of lust, love and sin,
Making hearts and souls become so damn bold.
Losing control feeling cold,
It’s what you fix.
Fighting the urge resisting the mold,
It’s what makes you a bitch.
But without that same feeling of being loved,
We become desperate.
You held my hand made me feel right,
You made emotions fit.
I thought I was ok feelin’ good,
Didn’t know I needed a boy’s touch.
You walked up to me held out your hand and I thought maybe I should,
You knew what I needed was love not something quick like a good fuck.
I held my breath hoping it wouldn’t end,
You’d be the death of me.
Fighting urges to make rules bend,
I am scared of what you’ll really see.
Did I think that I could actually get a kiss from you?
The way you looked at me,
Made me thinking for a minute that there might be something.
But once again I am just dreamin’ wishing for can’t be.
Looking for someone who was truly worth loving.
Secretive Motions they creep in,
Shushing breathes they withhold.
Feelings of lust, love and sin,
Making hearts and souls become so damn bold.
by Joshua Davis
I wrote this for Dusty. At three in the morning.
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| lookie! |
[11 Mar 2004|06:56pm] |
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music |
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What A Scene by Goo Goo Dolls |
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OK so today was bittersweet.
From Stash, Alana, Brittany and Suzy I got a Starting Line sweat shirt. I love it.
And then when I was walking to Tower, these two guys in a truck stuck their heads out of their windows and yelled, "THE STARTING LINE! YEA!!!" It was really funny.
I got all depressed in 5th peroid. But I am happy again! Yay!
Ok so I am going to buy the Queer as Folk first season. I just need $90 more, because it is $119.
whoa! Inspiration.
( Wake Up Little Boy )
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| New Eden |
[10 Mar 2004|06:18pm] |
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mood |
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listless |
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I wrote this poem during 2nd period this morning. But suprisingly I paid attention the whole period too...
( New Eden )
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[20 Feb 2004|05:21pm] |
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This will soon become my new journal.... Just wanted to say that.
2 MORE DAYS!
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[08 Feb 2004|06:27pm] |
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mood |
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calm |
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music |
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Miles and Markers by Scream Out Loud |
] |
She sits...
So stilly,
By the old wishing well.
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fallingpisces's journal